⚠️ PARODY WEBSITE — This is a satirical parody site. Billy's Auto Storage is a fictional business created for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. This site does not represent any real auto body shop. ⚠️

🔧 WELCOME TO BILLY'S AUTO STORAGE     🚗 YOUR CAR IS IN GOOD HANDS     💰 STORAGE: $300/DAY     ⭐ BEST SHOP 1994!     🔧 WE'LL GET TO IT EVENTUALLY     🚗 EST. 1987     💰 STORAGE: $300/DAY     ⭐ AWARD WINNING SERVICE*    
BILLYS AUTO STORAGE
CALL US ANYTIME*
📞 (420) 696-6969
*Phones may go to voicemail
★ MOST POPULAR SERVICE ★

Storage Fee Policy

$300
per day, per vehicle

We understand your vehicle is important to you. That's why we keep it safe on our lot — for as long as it takes. Our storage fee policy is simple, transparent, and non-negotiable.

How It Works

📅

Fees Begin Immediately

Storage fees begin accruing the moment your vehicle arrives on our lot. This includes during the estimate period, parts-waiting period, and any period in which we are reviewing your file.

🔄

Fees Are Continuous

Fees accrue 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, including weekends, holidays, and periods when the shop is closed. The lot never closes.

📋

Fees Are Non-Negotiable

The $300/day rate is fixed. We do not offer discounts, payment plans, or fee waivers. Disputing the fee will result in an administrative review charge of $150.

🚗

Vehicle Release Requires Full Payment

Your vehicle will not be released until all accrued storage fees are paid in full, in addition to any repair costs, diagnostic fees, and administrative charges.

📬

Monthly Statements

We will mail you a monthly statement. Statements are sent via USPS first-class mail. Email statements are available for an additional $25/month convenience fee.

Fee Calculator

Storage Fee Calculator
1 day900 days (current record: 847)
TOTAL STORAGE FEES
$9,000
30 days × $300/day
4
weeks on lot
75%
of avg vehicle value

Calculator uses average vehicle value of $12,000. Your vehicle's value may differ. Storage fees are owed regardless of vehicle value.

LEGALLY BINDING

Storage Fee Acknowledgment & Waiver

By leaving your vehicle on our lot, you have agreed to the following. A copy was available at the front desk. We are out of copies.

1.

I understand that $300/day storage fees begin accruing the moment my vehicle's tires cross the property line, including if I was just turning around.

2.

I acknowledge that 'we'll get to it' is not a legally binding completion date and cannot be used as the basis for any dispute, claim, or strongly worded letter.

3.

I agree that asking 'when will my car be done' more than once per calendar week constitutes a Queue Disruption Event, subject to a $75 administrative processing fee per occurrence.

4.

I understand that Billy's vacation schedule is proprietary information and cannot be disclosed, but that storage fees continue in full during any and all vacation periods, including Billy's annual two-month trip to Florida.

5.

I acknowledge that 'parts on order' is a complete and satisfactory status update and agree not to request further elaboration, including but not limited to: which parts, from where, and since when.

6.

I waive my right to be upset upon learning that my vehicle has not moved since drop-off, including if a bird has nested in it.

7.

I agree that any emotional distress caused by receiving a monthly storage statement exceeding the original repair estimate is a personal matter and not the liability of Billy's Auto Storage.

8.

I understand that the security camera monitoring the lot is 'currently offline for maintenance' and has been since 2019, and that this does not reduce the storage fee or Billy's confidence that my vehicle is fine.

9.

I acknowledge that my place in the repair queue is not guaranteed, transferable, or visible to me, and that asking to see the queue is not something we do.

10.

I agree that upon retrieval of my vehicle, any personal items left inside — including but not limited to sunglasses, charging cables, parking permits, and a child's soccer cleats — are considered abandoned property after 30 days and become the personal property of Billy.

11.

I understand that if my vehicle is not retrieved within 547 days, it may be entered into Billy's personal collection, which he describes as 'a passion project' and 'not something I'm looking to sell.'

12.

By driving onto this lot, I have read, understood, and agreed to all of the above, as well as any additional terms posted on the bulletin board in the waiting room, which is updated periodically and without notice.

Customer Signature: _________________________________ Date: _______

Signature is implied by vehicle drop-off. A physical signature is not required and will not be collected. This does not affect the enforceability of this agreement.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Can I pick up my car before repairs are done?

A: Yes. You may retrieve your vehicle at any time upon payment of all accrued storage fees, diagnostic fees, and a $200 early retrieval administrative fee. Note: retrieving your vehicle before repairs are complete forfeits your place in the repair queue.

Q: Why is the fee $300 per day?

A: Our lot is premium real estate. We also provide complimentary weather exposure, ambient lot lighting (dusk to 10pm), and the peace of mind that your vehicle is being monitored by our security camera (currently offline for maintenance).

Q: What if my car has been here for over a year?

A: Congratulations — you're one of our most valued long-term storage customers. At the one-year mark, you receive a complimentary Billy's Auto Storage keychain (mailed separately, allow 6–8 weeks).

Q: Can I dispute a storage fee charge?

A: You may submit a written dispute via certified mail. Disputes are reviewed quarterly. A $150 dispute processing fee applies regardless of outcome. Disputes do not pause fee accrual.

Q: What happens if I can't pay?

A: Unpaid storage fees are subject to a 1.5% monthly interest charge. After 180 days of non-payment, your vehicle may be subject to a lien sale. We will notify you by mail at the address on file.

Q: Is there a maximum storage fee?

A: No.

Storage fees are governed by the Billy's Auto Storage Storage Agreement, which you agreed to upon dropping off your vehicle. A copy of this agreement is available upon request (allow 4–6 weeks for processing). Billy's Auto Storage is not responsible for any damage, deterioration, depreciation, nesting, or acts of nature affecting your vehicle during storage.

🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧 🚗 🔧

Billy's Auto Storage

Serving the community since 1987. Your vehicle is our priority. We will get to it.

📍 1247 Industrial Blvd, Unit C
Somewhere, USA 00000

Hours of Operation

Mon–Fri9am–5pm*
Saturday10am–2pm*
SundayClosed

*Hours subject to change without notice. Storage fees continue regardless of hours.

Our Awards

⭐ Best Shop 1994*
🏆 Customer Choice Award*
🥇 Most Vehicles on Lot 2019
📋 Fully Licensed (Pending)
🔧 Wrench Excellence Award*

Contact Us

📞 (420) 696-6969

📠 (420) 696-6970

✉️ [email protected]

💰 STORAGE: $300/DAY
Billed from day of arrival

*Free estimate does not include diagnostic fee, lot fee, administrative processing fee, or storage fees accrued during the estimate period. Storage fees of $300/day begin upon vehicle arrival and continue until vehicle is removed from premises. Billy's Auto Storage is not responsible for vehicles left on premises beyond 30 days, though storage fees will continue to accrue. Award claims are self-reported. "Pending" certifications have been pending since 2003. All work is performed on a best-effort basis with no guaranteed completion timeline.

© 1987–2026 Billy's Auto Storage. All Rights Reserved. | Website last updated: 2009